You gain nothing when you allow the experience with any one person to stop you from trusting. A lack of trust weakens you because you can’t stop trusting people without forcing a lack of trust in self. And the minute you stop trusting self you have started a landslide to disempowerment, failure and pain.
It is not easy to trust again when people have given you reasons not to, but your best bet is to be selective about who you share your dreams and stories with. Be selective about who holds the key to your secret inner chambers. When people forget the value of the keys they hold or disregard your secrets, your confidence or your presence- don’t allow that to influence you towards self-devaluation. Someone else’s inability to see your value has nothing to do with you, unless and until you make them that important. If they already are that important to you, then devalue their position in your life. It does not have to be permanent but it has to be decisive.
You cannot thrive in a space where the voices you hear the most loudly are speaking words that don’t uplift you. If you can’t close your ears, then withdraw the welcome mat to your heart and do what you have to do to separate yourself, but never allow anyone to force you to close your mind. Stay open to possibilities and life and love and happiness. Remember that knowing what you are saying ‘Yes’ to, also means knowing what and who you are saying ‘No’ to.
Most people are doing the best they can. None of us is perfect. When people do things that are offensive to you on whatever level, forgive and recalibrate… then forget. There is really no value in holding on in memory to past hurts. I learnt recently how easily that makes you a magnet for the same thing. You repeat the situations you hold in mind with strong pain. It is as if you have created a powerful energy field of pain that attracts more of the same. So do forget, but only after you have evaluated and recalibrated. Don’t pretend or force yourself to be a ‘goody-two-shoes.’ You don’t get any brownie points for that, as people will walk over you if they can.
You must ‘set boundaries’ as Brenè Brown reminds us always. And truthfully, not everyone deserves a space in your life. If they don’t, there is no value in holding them there. Replenish your soul. Life is entrances and exits. Know when to make yours. Sometimes the very door you stand holding on to is the very thing keeping you locked out of the dream that moves your heart and fulfills your world. Cultivating an ability to detach from people and situations that bring you no joy or operate contrary to the urging of your soul is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.
So dont be afraid to close doors…or open them. And while youre at it be happy. Through all of it Be happy. If you can be happy before you have a reason to be happy then you won’t need a reason but many reasons will flow to you nevertheless. If you can choose to be happy and joyous even in the face of trying circumstances, those circumstances can’t own you. If you keep trust alive in your heart, then you will always feel trustworthy, valuable and valued. For make no mistake about it… the dominant emotions you entertain, sustain and encourage are never for anyone else. They are the building blocks of your life. MW AH Michael Holgate