Be Vigilant with Love & Relationships


Healthy relationships require wise decisions from the beginning through to the end.

You must be vigilant before you connect with people because your connections are reflections of your inner world and projections of your future. So here are five connection rules I have found useful. I’ve broken them all and hurt myself, then blamed people for being themselves when all along I could have avoided major heartache and pain by paying attention and being vigilant. So I set down these five inter-related rules, not from a high seat of being above these things- but from the ‘hot’ seat of having been there and done that ‘badly.’ Here goes…

Choose wisely who your important connections will be. Know what you really want… what you specifically need and why you choose to have certain people in your life, and in what ways. It makes no sense to get hitched up to someone for excitement when what you really need is companionship so rule 1. Know what you really need and go after that.

– Don’t be tempted or distracted by what flashes and glitters. It is not always a true light. It is sometimes just a reflector. Remember, that beautiful old moon is really just a rock spinning in space, caught up in the gravitational pull of the earth. It is not the SUN-giver of life.

It makes no sense to get involved with someone who is wealthy because you want to live luxuriously, when the person is not a giver… So rule 2. Ensure the person you connect to is the kind of person who gives what you want to receive and who accepts what you want to give.

The person who presents him/herself to you as a lover is playing a part. I’m not being cynical. It’s just the way things are. We play roles in life. Ensure that when you select a LOVER you also know the qualities of the PERSON who is playing the part of the lover. When we play and embody a part it can distract you from what’s real, so rule 3. Ensure that the person you connect to is living the role you want them to play as opposed to playing a role to please you in the moment.

Some things will never make you happy. They can’t. They were constructed out of Fear, not love- and therefore they can only produce after their kind- as an apple tree can only produce Apples.. . And when you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. A house built on fear cannot produce love. It would be at war with It’s essential nature. So rule 4. Connect with people who are interested in promoting love and healthy, positive expressions.

Pay attention to the other connections people make/made and see who they really are. Don’t let anyone convince you that they would have acted differently if the circumstances were different. People act from who they are. Circumstances shape us but not directly. The primary shaping is not in what happened, but how we interpret, react and treat with what happened. We react and act from who we really are. So rule 5. Pay attention to people’s actions and assess your chances based on how they treat those already close to them. BUT ALSO pay attention to how they treat their ‘exes’ Or the people they have left behind. That is a truer indication of character. In other words… as we say it in Jamaica: “Tek sleep and Mark death.”

You must be vigilant before you connect with people because your connections are reflections of your inner world and projections of your future. MW AH Michael Holgate