Building boundaries can be painful

Truth be told, boundaries can be very painful – both for us and for the persons who we are building the boundary to support. And yes it is support. People benefit greatly when you establish or share your boundaries clearly with them. They may think they would prefer a full ‘run’ of your life (doing and saying what they want and freedom to direct your behaviour and actions) but anyone who has that kind of a ‘run’ of your life eventually realises they have full responsibility for your life.
Running one’s own life is a mammoth task. Doing it for someone else is Herculean and can’t end well. It results in resentment on both sides because then, your mistakes can easily be blamed on the other person. Look at how many parents are blamed everyday for the mistakes and errors of their children. Even long after parents are dead they are blamed for stuff because at a certain point in time we gave them the responsibility of running our lives… or they took that responsibility.
So back to boundaries and the value in their building. Boundaries are not pain-free constructions. Build them anyway.
When you establish a boundary between you and another person that gives them a guideline about what is acceptable in your world. Although you are doing something important however, it might make you both feel a sense of emotional distress. That distress is a one time effect… unless you choose to keep on re-living it.
Without establishing boundaries, the distress or pain is consistent and constant every time someone violates a line they don’t know they shouldn’t cross.
Yes, People often feel hurt in the construction of your boundaries. It feels like you are depriving them. But U can’t control how people feel so although It is not easy building your boundaries, build them anyway.
Again i say, YOU are not responsible for how people feel. If you start taking that responsibility you will never have peace of mind. People will blame you for their feelings… that’s just how it is. Blame is easier than accepting responsibility. But also know that accepting responsibility for your life is 100 times more powerful than blame. Help the people you establish boundaries with, to understand That, by first embracing it for yourself. If you build boundaries you may never have to build walls. MW AH Michael Holgate