The Victim You are not

It’s not always easy to know when your spirit of self sabotage has ripened and is affecting your life. In fact self sabotage is much easier to see with someone else.

Within the body of our own self sabotaging vehicle, we could circumnavigate the globe and not realise we keep returning to the same place of failure because of the same patterns of behaviour- the same self sabotage- the same self defeating strategies. So here are some clues- a self sabotage manual of sorts that can make you aware that you are running a faulty GPS system that has somehow been corrupted by a virus or deliberately hacked. Unfortunately our system is often self-hacked. We are often the hackers that inadvertently derail our own success. So….

You know you are self sabotaging when:

– You make simple, silly, incomprehensible mistakes with important things at critical times. You might want to call it nerves or tension or bad luck… but very often it is self sabotage. Your desire to succeed at the thing is at war with your belief that you don’t deserve the success or that success is not possible.

– You know the steps to take and the things to do to accomplish specific goals central to your success, but you find various excuses and delay doing it again and again for no good reason. You can call it procrastination or any other sanitised word that you want but it is self sabotage. You don’t believe you are worthy of it or somewhere in your Mind, the payoff from not having that thing you want is still greater than the desire for it. It might feel ridiculous that you would sabotage yourself under certain circumstances, because you really do want that success you seek. You must explore however, whether or not there is a part of you that is not ready to give up the attention or support you get from not having that success. Truthfully, not that many people are racing to help the person who seems to need no help. So the attention and energy you get by seeming needy is often greater.

– You act like a Victim. FULL STOP. Acting like a victim is perfect self defeating self sabotaging behaviour. The minute you blame someone else for the life and circumstances you are living you have given away your power. Being a victim says I don’t have enough power nor enough of what it takes to accomplish my plans and intentions in the face of opposition or other people’s plans. Everybody in the world has their own agenda and reasons for doing things. No two are alike. Some people will put forward their arguments for their own intentions stronger than others. Some will manipulate and use things at their disposal to get their ends. None of that is your business. People do what people do. If you act like a victim, you are self sabotaging.

– You fall ill at critical points in time: losing your voice to a strange hoarseness when you have a big interview or speech or performance to do; straining your ankle when you have a solo dance role; getting a high fever when you are about to travel to a cold place… and so many other self sabotaging strategies. I’m not saying people don’t get sick. I am not saying all sickness is self sabotage either… You will k ow it’s self sabotage when the illness so perfectly fits in with making your success that much more difficult or near impossible. A sprained ankle won’t stop you from delivering the best speech ever but if it comes the night before your big dance break, examine yourself.

– You give away things you need in the moment you need it. You tell yourself you are kind but you are self sabotaging.

– You don’t accept or receive graciously. You won’t accept gifts or even prayers. You run from compliments. Have no doubt, it is self sabotaging behaviour. If you seek blessings while rejecting blessings, you are building up your self sabotaging reserves.

– You put trust in people you KNOW are untrustworthy. You tell them your secrets. You give them the key to your diary or lend them your phone- password free. You are self sabotaging. They will disappoint you.

– You don’t act confident when you are doing something important to you, thereby sending a subliminal message that you don’t know what you are doing and so should not be supported. You think that by operating at a level below other people’s egos You will endear them to you.. But people can’t love nor truly support what they don’t respect.

These are just some of the self sabotaging strategies we use:

  1. Silly mistakes
  2. Procrastination
  3. Playing Victim
  4. Ironic illness
  5. Self Selfishness
  6. Blocking Blessings.
  7. Trusting the Untrustworthy
  8. You Don’t act confident

This list is not exhaustive but it does reveal the kinds of patterns and strategies we perpetuate when we have a self sabotaging mental virus… Or internal hacker. The thing that tricks us about self sabotage is that it feels so natural to us to do. We become well rehearsed and versed in the activity without being conscious of what it is really about. We must check ourselves if we find ourselves in any of These categories. We must reject self sabotage. Even if it’s true…or seems true, simply reject anything that looks like any of the 7 strategies me mentioned above. More on that in another post. For now, self search for self sabotage. MW AH Michael Holgate